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antipink
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Name: Lauren
State: Texas
Birthday: 9/9/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: listening to music, sleeping, reading, writing, piano, coffee, the beach, hanging out with friends...and anything else that strikes my fancy.
Expertise: I am the greatest at being me.
Occupation: Computer related (Internet)
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  antipink85
Member Since:
3/4/2003
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| it's amazing how much life changes you. the things that happen that shape you so much. some days i think, wow, i never would've expected things to turn out they way they are. i'm working at an insurance agency, i've discovered i don't like it. i'm still going to school, i enjoy that. i've discovered that there are many people in this world that just are not nice. there are many people in this world who will lie and step all over you to get what they want. there are people that only care about money. i've realized how much i am actually happy about growing up. sure, it would be nice some days to go back to where your parents took care of you, but, where is the independence? i enjoy being independent, i enjoy being able to support myself. i enjoy working hard to succeed in life. it's amazing for me now to realize the things that are actually important in life. i don't have many friends. for a long time, that's been a struggle for me. the friends that i've had, have turned out to not be friends. but, i do have someone who really cares about me and loves me for me. someone who's stood by me and wants to be there with me forever. that is so amazing to me. God has blessed me so much with him. i'm ready to be done with things of the past and i'm ready to move on. i'm ready to better my life and hopefully will better my life with someone by my side forever. i'm excited for the future. | | |
| life is really an adventure. some days I really just don't want to continue on. some days I just feel too tired and worn out to keep pushing. In the end, though, you need to still push. You will be rewarded in the end. it is the Great adventure.
I'm just still trying to figure out what I want to do with myself. That's a hard task. Part of me really wants to change my major, well maybe not change it, but double major. Part of me kind of wants to join the Navy. I just don't want to stay in this same place in my life right now. I'm going to be trained more about insurance at work, eventually learning how to sell. Just taking baby steps right now. Only after almost being there a month. A month on the 28th. So I feel like that's a positive thing. I'm just so...restless right now. I'm seeing now that I'm growing up. It's not super scary, but it's enough to still get to me. Just not as bad as before. I just wish that I could stop work and completely focus on school, or just do ONE thing. But then part of me wants to do so many things at once. I wish I could get out of school super fast and find such an amazing job. Then be able to be on my own and do things.
I don't know. I need to put my focus on God right now and not worry. I have lessened my worries, but it's still there. I still get stressed. I just need to give it all to him. It's just so hard...I hate not having things in my control. Even though I know in the end, when it's in God's control, it's so much better. I just can't fathom that right now. Ugh. *sigh*
I need to pick and choose carefully what I do... | | |
| ugh...i want to change everything. like so much about me and so much about life. i just want to have fun right now and discover a new me. life is just so bizaare and confusing. some days i want to be one person and the next a different. i want to discover new things about me. i want to see what God has in store. I want to make new friends and do new things. i want to be creative. i want to be a better person. i want to stop trying to see...like how i can adapt more to the crowd. i just want to be how i want and be accepted for me. i want to not deal with retarded people. i don't want people to be weird. i just want to live life right now. i don't want to make serious decisions. I don't feel like I can. I'm growing up, but I can only handle so much at once. lol...i'm probably not showing that i'm growing up. hair cut and another piercing. but...maybe i'm just searching for something. I don't know. I'm trying to figure everything out. it's so amazing the small things i love right now. Hey Jude by The Beatles. laughter with friends. jolly ranchers. new conversations. music. experimenting. for crying out loud i'm listening to backstreet boys again. i'm just enjoying little things. i've got to enjoy God's little things now. it's just...how do I get back in the routine? how do i get that spark? i need to do some serious soul searching. i need a shoulder to cry on right now. i'm so tired of being emotional. i have to go to the doctor again this month to follow up on stuff. i really don't care if anything is wrong. as bad as that sounds, it's true. it doesn't bother me. I could really care less!!! but oh well. that's me I guess. i really don't know what to say or do. i just want to see better days. | | |
| Holy crap...
I quit the Dutchman....I quit Sudie's...and I got a super freaking
awesome job at an insurance company. I start on Wednesday. Holy
crap...I quit Sudie's. haha. It's so weird!!! Like, I'm happy about it
because I know it's a good thing, but it's scary too. I'm going to miss
it though. Many good times.
Camp was this past week. It was really different for me this year.
Partially because I was a senior, but it felt like it had hardly any
meaning for me because I didn't participate in youth this year. I had
reasons for not going but I also wasn't able to a lot because I was
working two jobs and working 7 days a week. It was crazy. So coming
back to everything especially at camp was just flat out awkward to be
around everyone. It just didn't feel like I was apart of anything any
more. I don't know...it was rough on me, but I got some good stuff out
of it. I just need to apply it out. Hopefully it will become a habit.
It made me realize how much I've changed in the past year and a half.
And not necessarily for the good either. It was definitely an eye
opener. I loved being away from everything, but I'm happy to be back
too. Although I miss the innocence of everything being up there. No
stress. But....life is stress and I'm back to reality now. Hopefully I
will be able to find the old me and start over again. New beginnings...
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| I am so tired!!!! Work is crazy. So busy. I finally got registered for
my fall classes. Thank goodness that's out of the way. Now vacation
Bible school is the next thing to get accomplished. getting ready for
it is fun, but so time consuming. I just want to sleep some. 
I was up til 3 finishing stuff up for my boss at Sudie's. And I work a
double today, morning at Sudie's and night at the Dutchman. *yawn* I
don't know if I'm gonna make it.
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